Article by Women

                                                   Letter-to-Self

     Everyone is striving for the #1 spot denying to your self that #1 means a #2, 3 and sometimes 4.  Abandon the #1 spot mentality, aspire to your worth and accept nothing less than that one and only status because please believe there is a big difference between #1 and “the one”.  I’ve been there watching as he slips condoms in the night stand drawer to replace the ones he thinks you don’t know are gone.  Knowing it’s not your “place” to speak on it because of the nonexistent we’re together when we’re together not when we’re not “relationship” you’ve foolishly allowed yourself to be caught up in.  Listening as he recounts the same weekend with the theatrical version, the director’s cut and the special extended version with the alternate ending.  Standing confused as your voice betrays your heart as you hear yourself laugh or offer comfort according to what lie has been tossed your way.  Comforting yourself with the were “just friends” line of bull you feed yourself to get through the lonely in between nights when its #2 or #3s turn.  Never knowing when “I fell asleep or “I was with my boys” is believable, but since you’ve mastered the art of persuasion convincing yourself of its truth is so easy because in your twisted version of this “relationship” ya’ll “keep it real”.  Persuading yourself that he’s always there when you need him and he only lies because he cares about your feelings have become such common lies you almost have yourself convinced and persuaded.  You saw the signs may have even told you the deal from the jump which was all good in the beginning but then you fell and fell hard he’s a “good man” he’ll make great husband when he settles down.  HELLO!? “When HE settles down!”  If he’s not ready he’s not ready.  You can love him, spoil him and be everything he is looking for but if he is not there yet, it is what it is.  Stop lying to your self, living in the surreal world of he’s my man.  When a man decides he’s ready and only when he decides will he do it and do it well.  Now that’s not to say that if you wait it out he will decide to do it with you, sometimes we are tools needed to make him that “good man” for someone else.  So suck it up and take responsibility for you because it’s not always his fault.  We tend to force our expectations on them, just because you are there at six months you can’t expect him to be.  If you need more and he is not ready to give it to you, you can only blame you if you choose to stay.  Stay and you are saying to him “I’m okay with how things are so do you.”  If you are not woman enough to deal with the consequences of that choice, I suggest you walk away.  I’m not ready may not mean I’m never going to want this with you but only you know your limits.  Don’t abandon our men they need us as much as we need them and yes I said “NEED” there are plenty of “good men” out there and plenty of “bad” one’s but the bad ones can’t be bad if we don’t allow them to be.  Stop allowing the “bad behavior” stop being the mistress, stop enabling these men to sit on your couch playing video games while you get up dressing the kids and getting ready for work only to come home and he’s in that same spot.  Stop allowing him to think any job is beneath him, any honest days work he does as a man to support you or your family should be commended and respected, he has to start somewhere.  Stop accepting the madness and you will see change maybe not with you but you may be helping out the next woman who gets that “good man” because of the mistakes he made and learned from with you and one day you may be thanking your husband ex’s for helping him grow into the man he is.  Abandon that #1 spot mentality, abandon that he’s just getting it out his system so he can be a good man for me pot of insanity you are eating out of and move towards I know my worth and this is no longer acceptable.  Don’t allow him to dictate what is good enough for “YOU” or to set the parameters for what you deserve.

Yolanda -Face- Norwood

Editor’s Note:

In the end, it’s really all left in your hands.  You know what you want, you know how you feel, you know what you are expecting from a mate and ONLY YOU can make the choice of what you will and will not deal with.  We complain about these men not doing this and not doing that but after speaking with many men, they only do what WE allow them to do.  So set your standards and do not change them and do not adjust them for no one to fit in your life, because as the saying goes if the shoe doesn’t fit don’t wear it.  If what you want and what he wants doesn’t fit then maybe it’s not meant to be………

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